It would be extremely easy to use this ten month engagement as a long vacation on the big ol' burlap beach that is the current American wedding-planning culture--drinking pretty Pinterest sangria out of mason jars on a towel I crocheted myself. Wouldn't it be lovely?
Yes, it would, until Daniel and I arrive back to reality after our honeymoon with absolutely no idea how to share space, schedule showers, or organize finances. Wedding planning is fun, and there are SO MANY pins to pin and crafts to make that I really could say "See ya later" to my fiance for the next six months and spend all of my free time at Hobby Lobby, but that would be silly of me. For one, I'd miss him. Also, I'd have no idea how to be a wife and no longer a bride. I'll be a wife a lot longer than I'll be a bride (although this isn't the case for everyone nowadays--I'm not trying to keep up with the Kardashians in that fashion), so preparing to take on this new position seems pretty important. Who wants to be the worst player on the team? Not me.
Luckily, Daniel doesn't either. He's prayed wisdom and humility over us throughout this whole journey with Pure Charity many times. We decided to take the fundraiser on as a public commitment to living generous lives as a married couple on top of our public marriage covenant. We didn't want to fall into the temptation of making this entire engagement period all about us and what we want this ideal day to look like.
I took a marriage and family class in college, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't talk to Daniel about what we were learning at the time. We were pretty serious then and had talked about a future together several times, so I wanted to fill him in on what that might look like. I read Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages for that class and really enjoyed it. Daniel and I determined our love languages and discussed how we saw them at work in our dating relationship.
After we got engaged, I stumbled upon this book on Amazon and thought it'd be something we could read together. We're two chapters in, and it has started some good conversation.
The first chapter is titled:
I'll let you know how we feel about it when we're done. :)
The most important ways we're preparing are through prayer and reading up on the Lord's intentions for marriage. I know we won't fully understand these passages until we become husband and wife, but they're already beginning to take on new meanings for me.
Daniel and I lead (and by lead I mean start a conversation and just talk and laugh with other twenty-somethings) a community group at my house on Wednesday nights. We recently walked through a two-week series on marriage and relationships and explored these passages:
Genesis 2:20-25:
20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh.22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman, ' for she was taken out of man." 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
Ephesians 5:22-33:
22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- 30 for we are members of his body. 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32 This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
As we were talking through the first passage a couple of weeks ago, the idea of tradition and weddings came up. We began asking when the whole wedding thing became a necessary preface to being able to call another person your spouse, and also what real difference it made in terms of sex being God-honoring or premarital. Someone complained there was no record of Adam and Eve "getting married," but they could be naked and feel no shame. Someone asked when the word "marriage" was first mentioned in Scripture. I had no idea, but was suddenly desperate to know. I slowly read back through the Genesis passage, and the word "wife" in verse 31 suddenly kicked me in the chest, perhaps because I'm preparing to become one. "Wife" is different than "woman;" it means a MARRIED woman. Therefore, Adam and Eve were already MARRIED, because they were ONE FLESH--Adam's. Theirs was the only marriage that was perfect at one point--before the fall--and theirs is the marriage we're striving to get back to--by becoming one flesh with our husbands through physical intimacy. This is why that intimacy was meant for the marriage relationship and no one outside of it, because the source of sex or becoming one flesh could only be between man and his wife--Eve could only be created once, from the flesh and bone of the only man on earth at the time. HOW COOL IS THAT? Goodness.
I'm excited to continue learning, but I know it won't be all candlelit dinners and sexy time. I'm praying I'll be able to set aside my pride and apologize often--something I need to work on.
Speaking of preparing for marriage, I splurged a little this week and purchased something I've been stalking for weeks for our future home:
So glad I bought this Monday, because it's now listed for $15 more. I can't wait to find a sunny spot to hang this in our home! I foresee many hours of napping and reading in this beauty. Notice the order :)
I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend--it's supposed to be back up in the 60s and 70s here! Daniel and I have big plans to visit the Fayetteville Farmer's Market tomorrow morning to snag some fresh veggies and flowers. Then we might go for a trail ride or maybe hike somewhere and hang my (outdoor) hammock for a little reading--I checked out a few new books from the library yesterday (I'm particularly excited about this one!). I'm overwhelmed by all of the things I want to do this weekend now that I'll be in town and the weather is supposed to be nice! This long winter has me starving for some sunshine and fresh air.
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